just a little song I wrote

So this is a song that I wrote about me and Jesus.

My Dance With Jesus
I was alone and didn't know,
how to dance to the beat of life
He was looking to save a lost soul
and then he saw me standing in my loneliness
Thats when he came up to me

Chorus
He tapped me on the shoulder and
asked me to join him in the dance of love
I told him that I would dance with him,
for the rest of my life
He promised me he would love me for all eternity
and that he would never leave my side
He looked at me and said, I'll walk
you through all the dips in the valley of life
That's when I said yes to my dance with Jesus
I never want to stop my dance with Jesus
My dance with Jesus

It is so easy to get lost,
in the things of this world
Sometimes I lose myself
in the song of this world
He is always bringing me back
to the beat of his drum

Chorus

No Matter what I do or say,
I can rest in his grace
I know that I don't
have to earn his love

Chorus

crazy thing called life

So i have to admit I haven't been sharing about my life lately with people. I have a tendency to not want to be a burden or make people worry about me so I just keep it all in. Today it felt like a huge weight off my shoulders to get to share what's going in my life with my dear friend and sister in christ, Gretchen. Talking with her made me realize how much I need to have that sweet thing called FELLOWSHIP. When I have fellowship, i just feel like I belong and like I'm needed. When I don't have fellowship, I feel alone and like nobody needs me or cares for me. WHEN I HAVE FELLOWSHIP I FEEL CLOSER TO GOD. I feel his presence all around me and I feel so connected to him when I have fellowship. The therapist I saw on monday said that she thought it would be good for my life if I started being around other believers more often. Some of my sisters in Christ have told me this as well. So I'm trying to figure out how I can do that (because I am low on gas money right now). Please pray for guidance and wisdom and encouragement for me. also pray for grace (I have a busy week ahead of me) and my family's salvations.

10 random questions

I feel like answering random questions so here we go!
1) If you were stuck on an island what's the one thing you would have with you?
- My bible.
2) Favorite snack
- Dr. Pepper to drink and goldfish dipped in bean and cheese dip to eat.
3.) what were you doing at 2:01pm today?
-riding James
4.) What is the first thing you thought when you woke up this morning?
- Did God really have to wake me up at 7:20 in the morning?
5) Favorite movie
- Kung Fu Panda
6) Favorite quote:
-"My neck hurts because I burp too much"- Lucas (my cousin's 4 year old son)
7) If you could spend time with anyone who would it be?
- Jesus!
8) Last person you texted
-Kristina
9) Whats one thing you want to do right now?
- sleep. actually, pray then sleep.
10) How many injuries have you had this year?
-Let's just say...........ALOT!

kim you have some explaining to do

So I realized my last blog so fully loaded. I just wanted to say that I am one of those people that is honest about my feelings and I'm not afraid to share them in the moment. My blog allows me to release my feelings in a more healthier way than say me cutting myself. My friend Kristina suggested to me awhile ago that I find a way to let my emotions out instead of cutting myself. So the ways that I do that are writing songs, writing in my blog, talking to James(the horse I ride), or praying. Here is a song I wrote that shows what my depression makes me feel like sometimes.

Show me God, Show me Love

I feel like I have lost my way
Don’t know where I’m going
I feel so scared and alone
I don’t know what to do

Chorus
I don’t know where this road leads,
I don’t know where it goes
Show me God, Show me love
Show me God, Show me love
I need to be with the king of kings
Heavenly Father, I need you
Show me God, Show me love
Show me God, Show me love

I’m at the end of my rope
I don’t want to lose hope
This is just a short term struggle

Chorus

God please don’t ignore me
Show me you still care

Chorus

Show me God, show me love

oh sunday

For most of the day, I have felt like Oscar the Grouch from Sesame Street. Except for I don't love trash. I have felt like the worst sinner ever but I haven't done anything wrong. I have made today all about me and I hate that I did that. I feel like nobody gives a who about me but I know thats not true. I wish I could feel like I could talk to someone about whats going on in my life. I have felt like crying all freaking day. As you have probably noticed, my depression has gotten to me today. Please pray for joy.

okie dokie

So I have decided to stay in Boulder next semester. It was a hard decision to make. I'm still praying about moving back to Fort Collins.
Please pray for:
Clarity on my future
Wisdom
That I would trust God with my WHOLE life
Encouragement
My Family's salvations

answered prayers

so God answered my prayer about joining the armed forces. I can't because I am farsighted. Phew! He also showed me today that I need to trust him with everything. He knows what he is doing and he will take care of me. God has my heart and I will trust him to provide me with wisdom to make decisions. He even loves me when I'm a goober, what a great GOD I have.

Don't Worry God Provides

So this morning, I wrote "Don't Worry God Provides" on my wrist. Little did I know that God was going to use it during my day. So I have been wanting to have a sister that lives near by who knows what it's like to have depression and today I found out that one of my classmates is a sister and is currently going through depression. It was encouraging to talk with her and to see that God answered my prayer. Then this afternoon I got a notice from a collection agency saying that I owed my former landlord $1,130. So I quickly prayed that God would provide me with the money if this was true. After several phone calls with my former landlord and my bank, I found out that the receptionist in the apartment complex had read the ledger wrong. So I don't owe my former landlord any money. God totally took care of me and answered my prayer!
This made me think about how if it is God's will for me to move back to Fort Collins, he will provide me with housing, job, and oppertunites to save money before I move back. Two weeks ago, he answered that he wants Summitview to be my Church home. I'm not sure yet quite what that means for my life right now but I know he will provide wisdom and resources to figure it out. If it is his will for me to stay in Boulder, I know that he will provide me with a job and fellowship. Ultimately he will provide me with what I need. I know that no matter where I live, I'm going to have some struggles. But I know that my God loves me and he is going to provide for me. I've also decided that I'm going to pray about joining the armed forces. I have no idea why or how this came about but I figure there is no harm in praying about it. So please pray that God would give me guidance and pray that God would give me clarity on my future.

descision maybe not made?

So today I have started to second guess myself on the descision I made to stay in Boulder. Pray for guidance and peace. pray that God would make his will known to me.

descision made. phew, glad thats over.

So as some of you probably knew, I have been praying about moving back to Fort Collins at the end of the semester. Well, I have decided to not move back at the end of this semester. The way I was able to make this descision was by spending quite abit of time with God this weekend. Today he brought me to an awesome verse. "It is better if it is God's will, to suffer for good than for doing evil."-1 Peter 3:17. This verse hit me like a ton of bricks. It convicted me that I had been thinking my struggles were horrible and not God's will. But what I now realize is that I'm suffering because I am did something that was really hard but was for God's will. The main reason that I moved to Boulder was to share God's love with my family. That is a good thing and it's going to advance God's kingdom. It's hard to be in Boulder, because I don't want to be here but I know that it is God's will and he is using me to do things for his kingdom. When I do God's will, it brings me closer to him and it makes my relationship with him stronger. I'm not willing to sacrifice my relationship with him in order to do what I want to do. I want to have God use me for his kingdom's sake because what is for his glory is for my benefit. I also want to see my family accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior.
This depression that I have is not a long term thing. God will give me victory over it. My friends and family have been doing great supporting me since I was diagnosed with depression. My brothers and sisters in Christ have been great with sending me verses and asking me about my life. My family has been doing great with asking me how I'm doing. I feel blessed to have such a great support system.
God, THANK YOU for sticking by me and not leaving me when I go astray. Thank you for loving me when I don't feel loveable. Thank you for giving me brothers and sisters in Christ who care for me even when I doubt if they really care. Thank you for loving me when I'm being a goober. Thank you for being good. Thank you for creating me in the Image of you. I love that I can believe and say that GOD IS GOOD! I love that you have saved me. I love that you have placed people in my life so I can see your charactor. I love that you have a greater plan for me than I have for myself. But most of all God, I LOVE YOU!

I have been diagnosed

So today I went to my doctor's appointment as a followup appointment to going to the neurologist. She told me that she thinks that the reason that my head was still hurting is because I probably got a concussion. She said that my head pain should be gone within a week or two. I also told her about how I have been really depressed lately. She then asked me a series of questions and came to the conclusion that I have depression. She said that she wants to wait to and see how I feel after I go to a therapist to decide whether or not I need to go on medication. Below I have answered some questions that are commonly asked by people who know someone that has depression. I have also included some stats about depression. If you have more questions feel free to comment on this blog post and I will try and answer your questions to the best of my abilities.

1) Can you have depression more than once?
- Yes you can. This is my second time going through depression. For some people, it never goes completely away.

2) Can Christians have depression?
- Heck yeah they can. Who ever says christians can't have depression is a LIAR! It is not a sin to have depression although it can be caused by a sin in one's life. The first time I had depression it was because of traumatic events that happened in during my freshman and sophmore year of high school. My doctor says that this time around it's probably due to the fact that I have had multiple injuries and health issues this year and stress. So anyone can have depression.

3) How can I best support someone with depression?
- The best form of support for me is just having someone let me know they care and have them encourage me. There are some days, I just don't want to get out of bed. But when someone sends me a verse or a note, or calls/texts me, or asks how I am doing, or just in generall shows they have interest in my life, it helps me to not feel so down. It also helps to know that I am needed.

Stats:
Depression is twice as common in women than it is in men.
The age groups that have the highest rate of known depression are 18 to 25 and 35 to 49.
People who have been abused in some way have a greater risk of having depression.
1 in 4 women will experience depression in their lifetime.


Again, if you have any questions for me about depression feel free to comment on this blog post.

a good reminder for me

So for the past couple of days, I have been writing "You are beautiful and worth more than sparrows" on my left wrist. I have been doing this because lately I have been forgetting that I am beautiful and worth more than sparrows. God loves me just the way I am and thinks I am worth it. Since I have been doing this, God has been reminding me that my beauty and my worth is not in what others think of me but it is in what God thinks of me. I mean, he loves me so much that he gave up his son so that I could be free from a life of sin. GOD IS GOOD! Why he loves me so much, is something I don't think I will ever completely understand.

so glad.....

So glad God is in control. I have felt like my mind is going a thousand miles per minute this whole week. I'm glad God knows what he is doing because sometimes I don't know what I'm doing. I have felt like I have 1o million things on my mind and I have had a hard time focusing. crazyness I tell you! Please pray God would make his will known for my life and please pray for encouragement.