Love is more than just a word

Love is God. So why do so often we throw the word around like it's nothing? God is something bigger than we could ever imagine. So Love is something that is bigger than ourselves. God gives us hope therefore Love gives us hope. Love is not to be taken lightly. Love is something we don't deserve but God loves us so much the he gives it to us anyway.

HI!

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR! REMEMBER, JESUS IS THE REASON FOR THE SEASON!

God did it again!

God is so good. so I just checked my grades and I passed all my classes! I give all the credit to God. He is so gracious and he kept me going when I wanted to give up. I got a B in math, a C in American Sign Language, and a C in Art appreciation. I am so excited! Praise the Lord! Today God also convicted me that I have been wrapping myself in up in a emotional roller coaster ride instead of lifting up all my fears and worries up to him. So I shall repent and believe.

By the grace of God I'm alive

So today I took my last final and I'm happy I made it through the semester alive. I went to the chiropractor and he said my back and neck aren't doing so well. He told me not to do a whole lot of exercize. He did say I could do crunches and that I could ride James as long as I don't fall off. I freaked out at first because I wasn't sure if I could pay for the 1 or 2 more visits that he wants me to have this week. I realized I can pay for at least one visit. Hopefully, I won't need the second visit. I am so tired of being in pain that it is easy to get discouraged. Today I actually briefly thought of cutting off my back and neck just so they wouldn't cause me to have so much pain. I'm trying to just remind myself that in heaven there will be no more pain or sorrow. My depression was getting to me a little bit today so I had two quiet times and that seemed to help me feel better. Below are my prayer requests for the week.
Prayer Requests:
1) Pray for my familys' salvations
2) Pray that God would provide me with a job soon.
3) Pray that I would keep God as my top priority.
4) Pray that God would heal my back and my neck.
5) Pray for wisdom and guidance on my future.
6) Pray that I would have fellowship on more of a regular basis.
7) Pray for encouragement.
8) Pray that I would rejoice in all situations.
9) Pray that I would remember 1 Corinthians 12:26.
10) Pray that God would rock my world at Faithwalkers.

I want more!

So today I spent the day with Jesus and it was pure awesomeness. I didn't want it to end! I love Jesus and I can't deny it! I also spent time with James today which was awesome as well. I didn't ride today because my back and neck were hurting. Which reminds me, I called my chiropractor and he wants me to ice my neck and back. If I'm not better by monday, he wants me to come in. So pray my back gets better. Also pray that I would get a job soon.

really!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

So I am calling it a night for studying due to the ol' back and neck are hurting so bad that the only thing I can truly do is lay down. no bueno! das ist nicht gut! no good! So in the morning after my american sign Language final is over, I am going to call my chiropractor. Today I got frustrated because I was supposed to take my art final but then my art teacher didn't have the final ready so I have to take it Monday. Ugh! I did see James today so that helped me to calm down and be relaxed. I am so ready for the day when my knight in shining armor(aka Jesus) comes on a white horse(maybe James?) and takes me home to heaven. In heaven there will be no yucky backs or necks, no depression, no loneliness, there will be fellowship all the time. So I have a sickness called ImissFoCoitis. It can be contagious so watch out. Pray for joy, encouragement, grace, focus, wisdom and clarity on my future, fellowship, and my family's salvations.

silly me

so you know you have been studying sign language awhile and that you are tired when....people text you on your cell phone and you sign back. yes i did that. I am a goober thats for sure. Fyi, my ankle is doing much better so I did a light workout today. Anywho, here are some verses that God brought me to in my quiet time.
"The LORD did not set his affection on you and choose you because you were more numerous than other peoples, for you were the fewest of all peoples. But it was because the LORD loved you and kept the oath that he swore to your forefathers that he brought you out with a mighty hand and redeemed you from the land of slavery, from the power of Pharoh King of Egypt. Know therefore that the LORD your God is God; he is a faithful God, keep his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commands." - Deuteronomy 7:7-9

" Do not be terrified by them, for the LORD your God, who is among you is a great and awesome God." - Deuteronomy 7:21

"Know then in your heart as a man disciplines his son, so the LORD your God disciplines you." -Deuteronomy 8:5

So all of these verses have the phrase "the LORD your God" in them. That got me thinking about how THE LORD MY GOD is faithful, my protector, and my HEAVENLY FATHER! He will bring me through my struggles, protect me from evil, and is my father in heaven. That is sweetness.

crazyness is going to continue

ok so it's been a crazy weekend and it went by way too fast. friday, i hurt my ankle and watched Elf with some friends. saturday, hurt the same ankle again and worked on some stuff. today was crazy, I traveled from Boulder to Denver to Greeley to Fort Collins to Boulder. I have my final week of the semester this week so pray for grace, focus, encouragement, and that I would get sleep as well.

i was M.I.A.

Sorry I haven't posted on my blog in the last couple of days. Things have been way crazy. Yesterday, I found out a family friend passed away on Saturday. Hearing that was a MAJOR stinker. My parents haven't been allowing me to go to church. Well, they did this past Sunday but later told me they don't feel like the area where this church is, is safe. In other words, they don't want me to go there again. The hard part is that I actually like this church. It's a sister church to the church I went to in Fort Collins. I got invited to go to a house church tonight but again my parents said no. I was so overwhelmed yesterday by the news of my family's friend and just wanting to be in fellowship so bad, that I got the urge to return to an old habit. So I called my sister in Christ and dear friend, Gretchen, and then she stopped by. I felt so loved when Gretchen stopped by last night and gave me a hug and chatted with me for a while. I really needed that. Today, has been rough for two reasons. One, I didn't get a good night's sleep last night. Two, I am still really wanting to be in fellowship and I want fellowship so much that it hurts. I'm not willing to give up fellowship and so I'm going to keep trying to get into fellowship. I've never in my life have ever had to fight for something that I believed in and loved so much. I'm not going to give up the fight yet. Tomorow will hopefully be better because I am going to see James tomorow and will probably have two quiet times/prayer time. Also my weekend starts tomorow after my american sign language class ends. woot woot.

just a little song I wrote

So this is a song that I wrote about me and Jesus.

My Dance With Jesus
I was alone and didn't know,
how to dance to the beat of life
He was looking to save a lost soul
and then he saw me standing in my loneliness
Thats when he came up to me

Chorus
He tapped me on the shoulder and
asked me to join him in the dance of love
I told him that I would dance with him,
for the rest of my life
He promised me he would love me for all eternity
and that he would never leave my side
He looked at me and said, I'll walk
you through all the dips in the valley of life
That's when I said yes to my dance with Jesus
I never want to stop my dance with Jesus
My dance with Jesus

It is so easy to get lost,
in the things of this world
Sometimes I lose myself
in the song of this world
He is always bringing me back
to the beat of his drum

Chorus

No Matter what I do or say,
I can rest in his grace
I know that I don't
have to earn his love

Chorus

crazy thing called life

So i have to admit I haven't been sharing about my life lately with people. I have a tendency to not want to be a burden or make people worry about me so I just keep it all in. Today it felt like a huge weight off my shoulders to get to share what's going in my life with my dear friend and sister in christ, Gretchen. Talking with her made me realize how much I need to have that sweet thing called FELLOWSHIP. When I have fellowship, i just feel like I belong and like I'm needed. When I don't have fellowship, I feel alone and like nobody needs me or cares for me. WHEN I HAVE FELLOWSHIP I FEEL CLOSER TO GOD. I feel his presence all around me and I feel so connected to him when I have fellowship. The therapist I saw on monday said that she thought it would be good for my life if I started being around other believers more often. Some of my sisters in Christ have told me this as well. So I'm trying to figure out how I can do that (because I am low on gas money right now). Please pray for guidance and wisdom and encouragement for me. also pray for grace (I have a busy week ahead of me) and my family's salvations.

10 random questions

I feel like answering random questions so here we go!
1) If you were stuck on an island what's the one thing you would have with you?
- My bible.
2) Favorite snack
- Dr. Pepper to drink and goldfish dipped in bean and cheese dip to eat.
3.) what were you doing at 2:01pm today?
-riding James
4.) What is the first thing you thought when you woke up this morning?
- Did God really have to wake me up at 7:20 in the morning?
5) Favorite movie
- Kung Fu Panda
6) Favorite quote:
-"My neck hurts because I burp too much"- Lucas (my cousin's 4 year old son)
7) If you could spend time with anyone who would it be?
- Jesus!
8) Last person you texted
-Kristina
9) Whats one thing you want to do right now?
- sleep. actually, pray then sleep.
10) How many injuries have you had this year?
-Let's just say...........ALOT!

kim you have some explaining to do

So I realized my last blog so fully loaded. I just wanted to say that I am one of those people that is honest about my feelings and I'm not afraid to share them in the moment. My blog allows me to release my feelings in a more healthier way than say me cutting myself. My friend Kristina suggested to me awhile ago that I find a way to let my emotions out instead of cutting myself. So the ways that I do that are writing songs, writing in my blog, talking to James(the horse I ride), or praying. Here is a song I wrote that shows what my depression makes me feel like sometimes.

Show me God, Show me Love

I feel like I have lost my way
Don’t know where I’m going
I feel so scared and alone
I don’t know what to do

Chorus
I don’t know where this road leads,
I don’t know where it goes
Show me God, Show me love
Show me God, Show me love
I need to be with the king of kings
Heavenly Father, I need you
Show me God, Show me love
Show me God, Show me love

I’m at the end of my rope
I don’t want to lose hope
This is just a short term struggle

Chorus

God please don’t ignore me
Show me you still care

Chorus

Show me God, show me love

oh sunday

For most of the day, I have felt like Oscar the Grouch from Sesame Street. Except for I don't love trash. I have felt like the worst sinner ever but I haven't done anything wrong. I have made today all about me and I hate that I did that. I feel like nobody gives a who about me but I know thats not true. I wish I could feel like I could talk to someone about whats going on in my life. I have felt like crying all freaking day. As you have probably noticed, my depression has gotten to me today. Please pray for joy.

okie dokie

So I have decided to stay in Boulder next semester. It was a hard decision to make. I'm still praying about moving back to Fort Collins.
Please pray for:
Clarity on my future
Wisdom
That I would trust God with my WHOLE life
Encouragement
My Family's salvations

answered prayers

so God answered my prayer about joining the armed forces. I can't because I am farsighted. Phew! He also showed me today that I need to trust him with everything. He knows what he is doing and he will take care of me. God has my heart and I will trust him to provide me with wisdom to make decisions. He even loves me when I'm a goober, what a great GOD I have.

Don't Worry God Provides

So this morning, I wrote "Don't Worry God Provides" on my wrist. Little did I know that God was going to use it during my day. So I have been wanting to have a sister that lives near by who knows what it's like to have depression and today I found out that one of my classmates is a sister and is currently going through depression. It was encouraging to talk with her and to see that God answered my prayer. Then this afternoon I got a notice from a collection agency saying that I owed my former landlord $1,130. So I quickly prayed that God would provide me with the money if this was true. After several phone calls with my former landlord and my bank, I found out that the receptionist in the apartment complex had read the ledger wrong. So I don't owe my former landlord any money. God totally took care of me and answered my prayer!
This made me think about how if it is God's will for me to move back to Fort Collins, he will provide me with housing, job, and oppertunites to save money before I move back. Two weeks ago, he answered that he wants Summitview to be my Church home. I'm not sure yet quite what that means for my life right now but I know he will provide wisdom and resources to figure it out. If it is his will for me to stay in Boulder, I know that he will provide me with a job and fellowship. Ultimately he will provide me with what I need. I know that no matter where I live, I'm going to have some struggles. But I know that my God loves me and he is going to provide for me. I've also decided that I'm going to pray about joining the armed forces. I have no idea why or how this came about but I figure there is no harm in praying about it. So please pray that God would give me guidance and pray that God would give me clarity on my future.

descision maybe not made?

So today I have started to second guess myself on the descision I made to stay in Boulder. Pray for guidance and peace. pray that God would make his will known to me.

descision made. phew, glad thats over.

So as some of you probably knew, I have been praying about moving back to Fort Collins at the end of the semester. Well, I have decided to not move back at the end of this semester. The way I was able to make this descision was by spending quite abit of time with God this weekend. Today he brought me to an awesome verse. "It is better if it is God's will, to suffer for good than for doing evil."-1 Peter 3:17. This verse hit me like a ton of bricks. It convicted me that I had been thinking my struggles were horrible and not God's will. But what I now realize is that I'm suffering because I am did something that was really hard but was for God's will. The main reason that I moved to Boulder was to share God's love with my family. That is a good thing and it's going to advance God's kingdom. It's hard to be in Boulder, because I don't want to be here but I know that it is God's will and he is using me to do things for his kingdom. When I do God's will, it brings me closer to him and it makes my relationship with him stronger. I'm not willing to sacrifice my relationship with him in order to do what I want to do. I want to have God use me for his kingdom's sake because what is for his glory is for my benefit. I also want to see my family accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior.
This depression that I have is not a long term thing. God will give me victory over it. My friends and family have been doing great supporting me since I was diagnosed with depression. My brothers and sisters in Christ have been great with sending me verses and asking me about my life. My family has been doing great with asking me how I'm doing. I feel blessed to have such a great support system.
God, THANK YOU for sticking by me and not leaving me when I go astray. Thank you for loving me when I don't feel loveable. Thank you for giving me brothers and sisters in Christ who care for me even when I doubt if they really care. Thank you for loving me when I'm being a goober. Thank you for being good. Thank you for creating me in the Image of you. I love that I can believe and say that GOD IS GOOD! I love that you have saved me. I love that you have placed people in my life so I can see your charactor. I love that you have a greater plan for me than I have for myself. But most of all God, I LOVE YOU!

I have been diagnosed

So today I went to my doctor's appointment as a followup appointment to going to the neurologist. She told me that she thinks that the reason that my head was still hurting is because I probably got a concussion. She said that my head pain should be gone within a week or two. I also told her about how I have been really depressed lately. She then asked me a series of questions and came to the conclusion that I have depression. She said that she wants to wait to and see how I feel after I go to a therapist to decide whether or not I need to go on medication. Below I have answered some questions that are commonly asked by people who know someone that has depression. I have also included some stats about depression. If you have more questions feel free to comment on this blog post and I will try and answer your questions to the best of my abilities.

1) Can you have depression more than once?
- Yes you can. This is my second time going through depression. For some people, it never goes completely away.

2) Can Christians have depression?
- Heck yeah they can. Who ever says christians can't have depression is a LIAR! It is not a sin to have depression although it can be caused by a sin in one's life. The first time I had depression it was because of traumatic events that happened in during my freshman and sophmore year of high school. My doctor says that this time around it's probably due to the fact that I have had multiple injuries and health issues this year and stress. So anyone can have depression.

3) How can I best support someone with depression?
- The best form of support for me is just having someone let me know they care and have them encourage me. There are some days, I just don't want to get out of bed. But when someone sends me a verse or a note, or calls/texts me, or asks how I am doing, or just in generall shows they have interest in my life, it helps me to not feel so down. It also helps to know that I am needed.

Stats:
Depression is twice as common in women than it is in men.
The age groups that have the highest rate of known depression are 18 to 25 and 35 to 49.
People who have been abused in some way have a greater risk of having depression.
1 in 4 women will experience depression in their lifetime.


Again, if you have any questions for me about depression feel free to comment on this blog post.

a good reminder for me

So for the past couple of days, I have been writing "You are beautiful and worth more than sparrows" on my left wrist. I have been doing this because lately I have been forgetting that I am beautiful and worth more than sparrows. God loves me just the way I am and thinks I am worth it. Since I have been doing this, God has been reminding me that my beauty and my worth is not in what others think of me but it is in what God thinks of me. I mean, he loves me so much that he gave up his son so that I could be free from a life of sin. GOD IS GOOD! Why he loves me so much, is something I don't think I will ever completely understand.

so glad.....

So glad God is in control. I have felt like my mind is going a thousand miles per minute this whole week. I'm glad God knows what he is doing because sometimes I don't know what I'm doing. I have felt like I have 1o million things on my mind and I have had a hard time focusing. crazyness I tell you! Please pray God would make his will known for my life and please pray for encouragement.

In Fort Collins for the weekend

My friend,Jenni, is getting married today.Yay for Jenni! I am staying with my friend Kristina. She is at work right now so I'm just chilling before I go to hang out with my friend Becky. After I hang out with Becky, I will go to the wedding! It has been so nice to see all my friends in Fort Collins again. I have really enjoyed my time here thus far. I love being reminded of how important it is to have fellowship and how much I truly need fellowship. I really do need the support of my brothers and sisters in Christ. At the same time, I need to be supporting them. I feel so lucky to have them in my life.

and anxiousness kicks in!

So all day I have been really anxious about my appointment with the neurologist tomorow. I hope I can get some answers. I'm praying that God's will would be done at my appointment and that he will take away the fears I have about it. I am also praying that God would allow me to get some sleep before I have to wake up for school. Please pray for me!

saturday night

I have studied for a total of 5 hours and it would have been longer but my head is bothering me so I am going to call it a night. I have two tests this upcoming week and I'm praying that God will give me the knowledge to do well. So I didn't get the job I interviewed for but that's okay. I am trying to be patient as I wait for the 27th to come so I can go to the neurologist. I just want to know whats going on with me. I am starting to get a little stir crazy due to the fact I can't do alot of activity. I have so badly been wanting to workout but then I remember my doctor told me no. I'm also not allowed to drive which means most of the time I get couped up in the house. Which, I am not fond of being couped up. So I'm praying that God will give me ideas of things that I can do. I'm excited that I get to go to a wedding next weekend in Fort Collins. I am so excited to see my friends up there. Then two weeks from today I have another wedding in Fort Collins, I am so excited to see my friends two weekends in a row! How I am going to be getting there is unknown at this point in time but, I will figure it out. Please pray for encouragement and for wisdom for knowing God's will for my life.

oh monday

so today was an okay day. My first class got canceled so I read in Job while waiting for my next class to start. Job is full of some good stuff. after my classes were over, my mom brought me home and had some lunch. Then I went to my job interview and I should know by the end of the week If I got the job. Then I went with my mom and dad to run an errand. Then I did hw when we got home. I also had a little prayer time and I felt so close to God afterwards, it was amazing. I cleaned my room and the bathroom. Both needed to be cleaned. We had burritos for dinner and they were good. My head has been hurting off and on today. I am excited that I had coffee twice today. I had a cup of coffee this morning and the my parents surprised me with a starbucks pumpkin spice latte. both were yummy!
so I thought that I would give you ten random facts about me! just for fun!
1) Favorite drink: Dr. Pepper or coffee
2) Tattoos or Piercings: I have two tats and both of my ears are pierced.
3) Favorite color: Navy Blue
4) Favorite Book: THE BIBLE!!!!!!!!!
5) Favorite phrase: It's a tie between "Goober" and "Aww.....shucks!"
6) Introvert or Extrovert: half and half
7) Favorite Music: It's a tie between country and worship. I'll listen to just about any kind of music though.
8) Jesus or Satan: Jesus!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
9) One thing I have to do every single day: Have a quiet time!
10) Horses or Snakes: HORSES!!!

Have a good night ya'll!

my head is driving me crazy

this head of mine is no good. can i trade it in for another one? today i have felt like chopping it off. I know....I'm a big baby and I need to quit my complaining. I guess I just want to know whats wrong with me. Tomorow, I have a job interview and I'm hoping my head won't be hurting to much tomorow. My appointment with the neurologist is on the 27th. I wish it was sooner though. i wish that i wasn't so miserable.

pray for me please

hey please pray for me! My head has been bothering me alot. I was doing fine with not letting it get me down and then about a minute ago I just got really discouraged. Pray for encouragement and pray that my head would stop hurting. I am going to have a Jesus day tomorow to try and get centered again.

an AHA! moment

So I figured out that my spiritual gift is encouraging others. But I realized that I don't encourage myself enough. So I made an acronym out of my name with characteristics that I have.



Kind
Intelligent
My LORD is Jesus Christ
Beautiful
Encouraging (well...I try to be)
Real
Loving
Young



Rockin'
Observant
Stubborn
Evil is not what I stand for



Sinner/Saint
Made by God
Yapper
The horse is my favorite animal
Helper of God's Kingdom
Evolving to become like Christ

oops I did it again

So I fainted twice yesterday morning and fainted again today. Went to the hospital and the doctor said that I was dehydrated and had a bump on my head. My goal is to have no more hospital trips this year.

the title that is untitled

GOD'S LOVE WILL BE THERE FOR THOSE WHO TRUST IN HIM. EVEN WHEN THEY FEEL LIKE HIS LOVE IS NOT WITH THEM, IT IS WITH THEM.

I saw this quote and it reminded of how true God's love is. One thing that I have a hard time understanding is why he loves me that much. I have done nothing to earn or deserve God's love. I haven't always lived according to his will. The only thing I can think of why he would love me so much is that HE IS ABOVE EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING!

Prayer Requests:
- Pray for joy and encouragement
- Pray for wisdom for knowing God's will
- Pray for a job in Boulder
- Pray for strength to fight the lies that the devil tells me.
- Pray for awesome fellowship in Boulder
- Pray for focus in my relationship with God and in School
- Pray that I would Trust God with my whole life and not just bits of my life
- Pray that I wouldn't give up on keeping in touch with my brothers and sisters in christ
- Pray that I would get to see 10 people come to know God while I am in Boulder

i don't know what to title this blog post

So it's official, I have made it two monthes without any injuries. Shocking, I know.
I miss Fort Collins. I felt so happy there.
Here are some prayer requests I have:
- Pray for joy.
- Pray for encouragement
- Pray for awesome fellowship in boulder
- Pray for wisdom for knowing God's will
- Pray for a job in Boulder

song I wrote

Here is a song I wrote on a day where all I did was cry. I thought about who do I cry to when I cry? My answer is in my song that I call "When I cry, I cry to you."

When I cry, I cry to you
Heavenly Father, I need you right now
I feel so alone in this broken world
Lately I Feel like I can’t do it anymore
The only reason I am holding on is you

Chorus
When I cry, I cry to you
God you are the one I run to
I’d give up everything,
just to be with you
When I cry, I cry to you
You see every tear that comes
You are my comfort, it’s true
So when I cry, I cry to you
Holy and true are you
When I cry, I cry to you

Alone I am weak and poor
Without you, life is meaningless
This heart of mine can’t take it anymore
So I when cry, I cry to you

Chorus

Forever I am loved by you
That’s something worth living for

Chorus

When I cry, I cry to you